Domestic Violence

I really meant to write more often but life seems to have a habit of interfering with plans, with so much more to say it is hard to prioritize the topics and then find the time to address each one with the proper attention. Not to mention I wanted this blog to be a tool to help others and also give a window into my past for those that wish to know me in the ways that I've always had a hard time talking about. So with that said, I now wish to talk about domestic violence and a unique way that I've learned to look at the problem.

Growing up I was taught that a man never hits a woman no matter what the reason or what she does, I only broke this rule once when I was 11 years old. I was walking to school one day while listening to music on my headphones unaware that a girl was yelling at me to wait up for her, when she finally caught up with me she grabbed my arm and spun me around and slapped me really hard, with nothing more than a instinctual reaction I punched her. For a moment I stood over her mortified at what I had done, then I turned and without a word walked the last block to school and went strait to the office to await the consequences, I admitted fault without making excuses. After a week long in school suspension I returned to class, the girl in question not only forgave me but also apologized for provoking the incident, I did't understand for many years to come what she needed forgiveness for.

By the time I reached 16 years of age I had dated a couple of girls that were beaten by their ex-boyfriends, in each case I promised them that I would never hit them and promise myself that I would prove that not every guy will treat them like that. For a year and a half I was with this girl who was every thing a teenage boy could dream of except she got extremely violent every time she got mad. I can proudly say that she was the greatest test of my life and I passed although I now know that it was a close call.

Until I got through that experience I always believed in the double standard, I'm not afraid of a girl, I'm tough enough to take anything a girl can do to me, it is my responsibility not to hit a girl no matter what happens. Now while I still believe that is true but I also realized if a girl is violent it is only a matter of time, for as much control that I know I have I am fully capable of a reaction the I would regret. Since I made that realization I have never been tested again because I make it a well known fact that I won't tolerate violence of any kind in a relationship.

For a few years I thought I was either paranoid or a spineless wimp with my views but over the years I've known a few guys that lived what I did in high school only with marriage and kids. In these occasions I tried to warn the guy what could happen only to be laughed at because they thought they could handle it only to be told later that I was right after they ended up in handcuffs. In these cases I refuse to feel sorry for either person, the girl was provoking it for years and the guy refused to make the choices to prevent the outcome.

I know all the problems on both sides of the domestic violence problem and I wish I had a true solution to the problem but while I said that I do not feel sorry for a girl that provokes it, make no mistake I do believe that the problem is on us guys to solve and it starts with making a simple promise to ones self. I promise that the person that gets violent in my relationship will get reported to the police especially if its me.