The Introduction to an abused soul.

    Through out my life I have kept hidden the pain I live with, even from myself. The people I have been close to have all had the question "Why won't you tell me what happened to you?" I have never had an excuse that is good enough other than my two greatest fears, One: If I talk about it I might knock loose all the things I have repressed and Two: That the person I opened up to might condemn or reject me.

   Now I know that number two is based on insecurity but the first person I opened up to five years ago never could look at me the same again, it almost destroyed me to see the look in her eyes when just the day before there was nothing but love and I swore never again. I have since learned that fear two was a fore gone conclusion so long as fear one remained untouched 

  Three years ago I was put through an experience that shattered every mental block I had, as if it wasn't bad enough that I was broken in every way by the worst day of my life but I then had to remember every horrible thing I had been through twenty and thirty years ago. For a couple of months I wanted to die, even tried to make it happen a couple of times.

  For as long as I remember my biggest goal and driving force has been to survive, sometimes just for one more day. Things have begun to change, I want real happiness and I also want to tell my story in the hope that I may reach one person that sees an inspiration in their time of hopelessness.

  In future posts I will write about my experiences, how they have effected me and how I have made them a positive life event, this will be My Story. Other times I may write about topics that I think I might have something new to add, this will be My Metal Milk Basket(Soapbox). And I would be remiss if I didn't have an occasional creative post, My Songbook.

  The worst will come first, "The worst day of my life"